July 4th 2008

If you know me at all, you know I am obsessed with the fourth of July. Having the freedom we have is such a wonderful thing! I just love all of the red, white and blue...the cookouts, getting together with family, fireworks of course and remembering the WONDERFUL memories in Virginia Beach with my family.
As a kid, we used to go to the ocean and watch the fireworks set off of a ship. I would be wondering who I was going to marry and wished he was there with me...such a romantic holiday I think. We would always do sparklers and I would be so afraid that they would burn my hand...which they usually did. Those darn sticks are so short (that's what she said).
We would always get a fun "red, white and blue" snack that the moms made for us. My favorite was hand made Popsicles with twizzlers sticking out of them like a firework! We would always make our own "blizzards" and I always had a ton of butterfinger in mine! (not sure why I was never fat growing up...I was called the "cholesterol queen" for many years of my life) So many wonderful memories. I pray that I can have wonderful memories with my new family...Andrew, Cyrus and Eisley like I did growing up.
So lately, I have been talking with the hubs a lot about my dreams that I have ignored over the years because I didn't feel capable. I always wanted to be a wife and mom...number one dream! but i was so afraid to go for my dreams of being a fashion designer! I did not think I had it in me.
Now that I am married with two children, it's much harder to come to grips with my dream. I so badly want to pursue it. So Andy and I thought about what first step to take. I am going to start with simple designs and sew on my machine. From there, I will see if I really do love it even with all the work and maybe put my creations on "Etsy.com".
Taking this step is more of a creative outlet than just wanting to be rich and famous. I just want to know that I can do it, that I am creative and talented. That I am more than just a wife and mom (two things I love and would not trade for the world).
The struggles I have with wanting to do anything for myself, is like most moms...I feel selfish. That I am taking time away from family and allowing myself to enjoy things outside of my husband and kids. But I have to remember that God gave me these talents/gifts and wants me to use them. It's not like, "once you become a mom, it's not allowed to be about you ever". Us momma's need some time to ourselves...to recharge and maybe even have a weekly thing that gives us a creative outlet. Something that rewards us in ways that have nothing to do with being a great wife and mom...and that's okay!